Road to Recovery
by fbi-woman
Summary: THE INVASION What happened between Carol and Ollie getting on the helicopter and the scene one year later. CarolxBen. Based on the movie starring Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig
1. Chapter 1

Title: Road to Recovery  
Author: fbi-woman  
Rating: K / PG or whatever  
Type: The Invasion  
Spoilers: Should definitely see the movie first or it'll give the end away.

Disclaimer: I own nothing and I'm not claiming to. This is just an original work inspired by a movie.  
Summary: What happened between Carol and Ollie getting on the helicopter and the scene one year later. Carol/Ben. (Based on the movie starring Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig)  
A/N: My first Invasion piece. I haven't read the book or seen any of the other movies, so this is based solely on the most recent version. I'm also writing this from my memory of seeing the movie in theatres, so I apologize for any inconsistencies. I also apologize for any errors on the scientific side; I've only done first year bio, so I'm not an expert by any means. Let me know what you think and if you want more. No flaming please, but all other comments welcome.

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Carol dutifully followed Stephen and the armed military crew from the windy fury of the helicopter and into the sanctuary of the quarantine, still frantically clutching Ollie to her side. People of all genders and races rushed by her in white lab coats, carrying clipboards of flapping papers or vials of blood to be tested. Glancing around suspiciously, Carol searched for signs of the foreign virus; relieved, though terrified she had been lured into a trap. The curious faces, excited and concerned tones, and lastly the reassuring smile from Stephen, slowly coerced her into acceptance. As she began to relax, she could feel the fatigue weighing heavily on her body, and it quickly became a conscious effort just to keep her eyes open and her feet moving. She had come so far, there was no way she would surrender now. She had to do this for Ollie. She had to keep them safe.

Stephen led them down a slightly smaller hallway, finally opening the door to a small, vacant, and barren room. He ushered them inside, hitting the light switch and shutting the door behind him.

"Sorry about the furniture; we moved everything we could find to set up workstations."

Carol just nodded. Her mind was slightly foggy in her sleep deprived state.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen. You two are the only ones in this building who have been infected with the virus, and we want to keep it that way until we have the vaccine worked out. The last thing we need is contamination and risk of sabotage. So what I'm going to do is take a blood sample from each of you," he said, pulling out two needles, "and then we're going to try and isolate the antibodies in Ollie's blood, and introduce them into your sample, Carol. If they do in fact produce immunity to the virus, they should destroy your viral cells upon entry. Got it?"

Carol nodded again, haphazardly pulling on her sleeve and tossing her arm to the side.

"Now Carol, look at me."

Her eyes fluttered momentarily before focusing on his face.

"It is absolutely imperative that you do not go to sleep until we have prepared the vaccine. I know you're tired, I know it's been a long time, and you'll be able to sleep soon enough, but not yet, okay?"

"Okay" she mumbled weakly.

"Ollie I'm counting on you to make sure your mom doesn't go to sleep."

"Okay. She won't, I promise. Right mom?"

Carol smiled and nodded slightly, stroking her child's hair while Stephen took the sample.

"I'm going to go get started on these, and then I'll be back to let you know where we're at, and bring you something to eat."

The door shut behind him, and Carol let her head fall back against the wall, closing her eyes.

Stephen stretched and rubbed his eyes. He had been looking through this microscope for hours, trying to isolate the antibodies for extraction, purification, replication, and creation of a vaccine. To his amazement, the viral cells did not even attempt to fight the invading antibodies, and the virus was completely eradicated from the sample within minutes. Now came the tricky part: figuring how to safely introduce it into an infected individual, and how much would be required. His part however, for the time being, was completed, and it was now up to the team of Nobel scientists to assemble the vaccine. He looked down at his watch and winced: it had taken him a lot longer than he thought, and poor Carol must be wearing thin. She was a strong woman, but he wasn't sure how much longer she could last.

He dashed to the food storage area, grabbing two sandwiches and water bottles for Carol and Oliver, before jogging down to their isolation room. He knocked tentatively and listened for an answer.

"Who is it?" a small, suspicious voice called from inside.

"Ollie, it's Stephen. I've got some food for you and your mom."

"Okay."

He tentatively opened the door, and saw Ollie cuddled up with Carol, exactly where he had left her. Her face was ashen, her hair a tousled mess, and dark circles lined her closed eyes.

"Carol?"

She groaned softly.

"How are you doing?"

"Mmmm."

"I brought you a sandwich and a drink. You should eat something."

She shook her head almost imperceptibly.

He walked over to the pair and sat down on the floor with them, passing a sandwich and a bottle to Ollie, who quickly tore into them.

"It's not going to be long now, I promise. They're working on the vaccine right now. The antibodies worked perfectly. It'll all be over soon."

"Mhm." The sound was losing volume each time.

"Come on Carol, stay with me. You can do this. I know you can. Tell me a story."

"'Bout what?" she slurred groggily.

"Anything. Just keep talking. Um… tell me about that dinner party you went to with Ben."

"Mmm. Had dinner."

"That's not a story. Where was it?"

"Friends'."

"At his friends'? Was it that couple we met before I came here?"

"Mhm."

"And who did you sit next to besides Ben?"

"Russian. Diplomat. From before."

_Well,_ he thought, _that was almost a sentence._ "The man who was infected?"

She nodded.

"What did you talk about?"

"Humanity."

"Oh!" he chuckled, "I bet you had quite an earful to say about that."

She smirked, her eyes still closed.

"Then what happened?"

"Went home."

"That's it?"

"Mhm."

"Ok, then tell me something else."

Suddenly the sharp, shrill shriek of Stephen's pager filled the room. Carol grimaced as each ring pierced through her ears, sending shooting pains through her head. He grabbed it and silenced the alarm immediately, scanning the small screen.

"I have to go, I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? I think they might have the vaccine ready. Hang in there."

"Mmm."

"Keep her talking Ollie, it shouldn't be much longer."

"Okay."

Oliver turned to face his mom again, putting his arms around her neck and hugging her close. Carol weakly lifted a hand to rub his back.

"It's gonna be okay mom. He's gonna get the vaccine."

"I love you" she whispered.

"Love you too. Let's play a game until he gets back."

"Like what?"

"Like… umm….. we're sure in a pickle still, aren't we?"

Carol smiled. "Dill."

"Kosher."

"Gherkin."

"Bread and Butter."

"Mmm…"

"Starts with 'g'."

"Ummm garlic."

"Yes! Spicy."

"Sandwich."

"Sweet."

"Um…"

A knock on the door silenced the game.

"It's Stephen, Ollie, can I come in?"

"Yeah."

The familiar doctor entered with a small team of fellow scientists, all sporting pristine white coats and one carrying a large syringe. Oliver's eyes widened when he caught sight of the needle, tightening his grip on his mother.

"What is that?" he asked, his voice quivering.

"It's alright Ollie. It's the vaccine. I need you to go sit over there," he motioned to the far corner of the room, "while I talk to your mom for a minute. You can come back before we give her the needle, okay?"

Ollie nodded, thought still unsure, and slowly moved to the designated corner, keeping his eyes locked on the group.

Stephen knelt down next to Carol. "Carol look at me, I need to talk to you."

She blinked, bleary eyed, and squinted at him.

"Carol we have to vaccine ready, but you need to know the risks involved. You are the only infected person who has breached this quarantine, and we can't risk bringing in someone who has changed until we know the vaccine will work; it's too dangerous. We've tested the vaccine with biological samples, but can't be sure exactly what will happen when we introduce it to the human body. We don't have any reason to believe that something will go wrong, but there is always that chance. We've also had to estimate the amount of the vaccine needed to eradicate the virus from an entire being, so it may not be enough. This is your choice Carol."

"Ollie. Take care of Ollie."

"I will Carol, I promise. We're going to hope to God that I don't have to, but I promise you that if something happens, I will make sure he is safe and well taken care of. He'll be fine. You have my word on that."

"Do it."

"Are you sure? Once it's been done, we can't reverse it."

"Do it."

"Okay." He turned and took the syringe from the man behind him. "Come here Ollie, we're ready."

The child ran over, sliding in next to his mom and holding her right hand while Stephen took her left arm.

"You're going to feel a pinch for a minute Carol, and then it'll all be over and you can sleep."

Her jaw clenched as he slid the needle in and pushed the plunger. When the solution was gone, he pressed a band aid to her arm and handed her a small blanket one of the scientists had brought.

"Okay Carol, you can sleep now. We'll be back to check on you in a little while. Ollie, if you see any of that sticky residue starting to show up on her face, you go out in the hall and tell someone immediately, understand?"

The boy nodded, panic in his eyes.

"Good. I think she'll be fine, but keep an eye on her just in case."

Oliver warily watched the group exit before turning his attention to Carol. She was already laying down, fast asleep, so he took the small blanket and draped it over her. Lowering himself to the ground, he watched his mother intently, and vowed not to rest until she woke up, safe and sound.

* * *

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

The hours dragged on, and Oliver began to grow concerned. Stephen and some other scientists had stopped by several times to check Carol's vitals and see if she had woken up, but she had yet to move a muscle. They kept telling him that everything was fine, but he wasn't sure if he could believe them. Granted he hadn't seen any sign of the infection's effects, but she was so still and silent. He wished there was a way he could see inside, to know what was going on. What if it she hadn't gotten enough of the vaccine? Could they give her more and have it work? What would they do to her if she couldn't be cured? He had asked Stephen during his last visit if they could wake her up, but Stephen had said it was very dangerous, and they had to let her be, no matter how hard it was to wait. Ollie had obeyed, too afraid for his mother to act on his impatient concern, but his resolve was fading.

Stephen was experiencing a similar discontent. If something happened to Carol, he knew the blame fell squarely on his shoulders. She was in no state to make a decision of that magnitude, and it was he who had pitched the potential vaccine to the team. If he had made a single mistake, one tiny oversight, he could be taking the life of a mother, a psychiatric doctor, and his colleague's best friend. He rubbed a hand over his tired eyes, anxiously taking a sip of his coffee. Carol was exceedingly tired, this he knew, but the longer she slept, the more the team began to worry that something had gone wrong. Her vitals were still strong, but beyond that, they had no idea what the vaccine could be doing to her body or what would happen when the antibodies fought the virus in the presence of the REM sleep hormones. His only consolation was the lack of the condensed viral substance on her skin, though he was beginning to fear it would make an appearance any time now. While on the subject of time, he glanced down to note that yet another two hours had passed since his last visit to Carol, and it was time for another assessment. His pager sounded, and he grabbed his white coat from the back of his chair before swiftly making his way down the hall.

* * *

Carol was in the strangest place. It looked like just another normal city, with one significant difference: she was the only one in it. She looked all around, but there wasn't so much as a trace of human life to be seen. Then she noticed something… a pharmacy. She didn't know why, but she thought she had been there before. As she got closer, she could see that the store was in complete disarray. Pill and pop bottles were scattered about the shelves and the floor, and blood coated one of the walls. She stepped through the door and closed it quietly behind her, surveying the deserted scene. Not hearing a sound, she slowly walked past the aisles one by one, looking down to the other end, but she couldn't spot another soul. Turning to retreat back to the door, her heart leapt in her throat at the sight of dark clothed figure. It was Ben.

He stared at her with emotionless eyes; not speaking, not smiling, not acknowledging her in any way. She tried to say his name, but no words came out. Again and again she fought to cry out to him, but nothing worked. Suddenly he collapsed to the ground, clutching at his leg, and a pool of blood began to spread on the floor. She screamed in silence, and tried to run to him, but her legs felt heavy, and she couldn't get them to move. A blur of distant voices shattered the quiet room and she began to feel dizzy, as if she were falling. Colours swam before her eyes and for a moment, she feared she was dying. She closed her eyes to block out the swirling spectacle, but the voices were still echoing in her mind. When she opened her eyes again, she was on the ground, staring up at blurring white figures. One sat down next to her and said her name, but she was still trying to focus her vision. Blinking rapidly, the clouds slowly vanished from her eyes, and she saw Stephen peering at her intently. With a sharp stab of terror she realized what had happened. She had gone to sleep.

Carol sat up with a start, her heart pounding wildly. Her eyes were wide in horror as the desperately looked at Stephen for help, her hands flying to her face to feel for signs of the viral skin… but she felt nothing there. Pure confusion washed over her. She was fine. She slept, but she was fine.

"Carol, it's ok. We gave you the vaccine, remember? It worked. You survived."

Vaccine… vaccine… the pinch! The blanket! She was fine.

"Oh Stephen! Oh my God! It worked! It worked!" she instantly had more energy than she had in days. "Ollie! Where's Ollie?"

"I'm right here mom!" He popped out from behind Stephen and threw his arms around her. "I thought something had happened to you."

"I'm so sorry baby. It's all over now. We're going to be fine, both of us. I promise." She turned to Stephen, "thank you Stephen, thank you."

"Hey, it was you and Ben who had the idea."

Carol suddenly felt sick. "Oh God… Ben…"

"What about him? Do you know where he is?"

"Oh God, Stephen! What did I do? You have to find him!" Tears spilled onto her cheeks as hysteria gripped her. "You have to find him Stephen, he needs help!"

"Calm down, Carol. What kind of help does he need? Is he infected?"

"Yes, yes, he's already changed. Oh, it was awful! It was so awful seeing him like that. And then I… I… he needs an ambulance. He needs immediate medical attention."

"Okay. We were planning to hit the hospital first anyways, because there's probably going to be a lot of people in need of some medical treatment, and then as soon as we're done there, I'll go get Ben. Where is he? Tell me what happened."

"He's in a pharmacy; I'm not sure exactly which one. I was there right before you called. It was horrible. I fell asleep, and Ollie, he saved me, and then we saw Ben, and I thought he was there to save us, but he was one of them! He wanted Ollie. He said they had to kill him. I had a gun that I stole, and he let out the others from the store room, and they were coming at us, and I shot them, every last one. I killed them all. But not Ben: I couldn't do it, I couldn't kill him, but I shot him. I shot him in the leg so we could run, and I… I just left him there. What if he bled to death? Oh God, I'm going to go to jail for killing them!" She dissolved into sobs.

"It's going to be alright Carol, don't worry. Ben is a doctor, and you said he was in a pharmacy, so I'm sure he bandaged himself up well enough to stay alive."

"But he wasn't Ben!"

"But he still knows all the things Ben knows, and he'd know how to stay alive until help came. And you're not going to jail. I don't think you'll even see legal action. The city was an alien war zone Carol, how do you prosecute that? By killing the people after Ollie, you may have saved us all. No one is going to put you in jail for that. You just sit tight and stay here, okay? I want you to lock the door behind me when I leave, and don't unlock it again until I come back, in case someone infected tries to get in before the vaccine has a chance to work. Just stay in here with Ollie and wait. I'll get you some more food before I go, and you can go back to sleep if you want. Do you have your phone?"

She nodded.

"I'll call you as soon as I find Ben, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you Stephen. And… tell Ben… I'm so sorry."

"I will. It'll be alright Carol, don't worry. I'll be right back with some food, and then we're going to go start delivering the vaccine."

Carol held Ollie tight, and for the first time in a long time, she said a silent prayer of thanks for their lives.

* * *

"Mom?"

A tiny hand shook her gently.

"Mom? Mom the phone is ringing."

Carol opened her eyes and pushed herself up off the cold floor, looking around for her chirping cell phone among the sandwich wrappers and empty water bottles. Ollie tossed it to her and she quickly pressed it to her ear.

"Stephen?"

"We've got him Carol."

"Please tell me he's still alive."

"He's lost a lot of blood, but I think he's going to be okay. We gave him the vaccine and now we're taking him to the hospital in the helicopter. The doctors should be waking up and ready to treat the bullet wound when we get there. When we're done out here I'll call the hospital to check on him and give you a full report when I get back."

"Thank you, Stephen! Thank you so much."

"I have to go Carol, take care. I'll be back as soon as I can."

* * *

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

The long white hallway was an ominous stretch of sterile lifelessness that Carol now found disturbing. She has always emotionally disconnected from this building, but to do that now was unthinkable after looking into the eyes of someone so personally detached from the entire world. The fluorescent lights reflected off the spotless walls, making the entire building seem eerily cold. Her rational mind fought to reason with the sleep deprived fears telling her to run, telling her that she is trapped in here. She tightened her grip on the small hand she held, and her child squeezed back, letting her know that she was not alone, and that they were both still okay. Deep breaths in, deep breaths out. She could do this. It wouldn't be much longer now, and then she would have to face him. There was no way to know what she would find when she entered that room. Every muscle in her body was tensed with anticipation and concern. Could she look at him without seeing the worst in herself? Could he ever look at her the same way again?

"He's right in here," Stephen said softly, stopping at a door to their right. "I'll leave you guys alone."

Carol nodded, tears already coming to her eyes as she started down at the floor.

"Is my friend Gene here too?" Ollie asked.

"I'm not sure. Why don't you come with me, and we'll go find out while your mom has her visit."

"Is that okay mom?"

"Sure baby" she mumbled, unable to disguise the emotion in her voice.

"I'll bring him back here in a little while."

"Thanks. Have fun sweetie."

Carol now stood alone facing the heavy wooden door. She tried to compose herself, but a strangled sob still fought its way out every few seconds. Putting her hand on the knob, she closed her eyes and slowly counted to ten, swinging the door open only when she reached the last number. She blinked back tears while she took in the room. There he sat, in one of those horrid green and white hospital gowns, in a bed with the back raised up. His leg was heavily bandaged from the bottom of his knee to halfway up his thigh, and an IV steadily dripped into his arm. For a moment he simply watched her without reaction, but then a huge smile slowly spread across his face, leaving Carol sufficiently confused. She supposed she should be pleased that he was happy to see her, but she couldn't comprehend why on earth he would be.

"Are you going to come in?"

With the sound of his warm accent in her ears, she snapped; dashing to his side and collapsing in his arms with loud, heart wrenching sobs. He gently kissed the side of her head, stroking her hair and rubbing her back with his good hand while she cried on his shoulder.

"Shhh, it's okay, it's okay now."

"I'm so sorry Ben, I'm so sorry" she wailed into his shirt. "I didn't know what else to do, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to do it, but I had to, I had to Ben. It wasn't you. I'm so sorry."

"Carol, what are you talking about? What did you do?"

She abruptly pulled away from him, dropping into the chair next to the bed.

"What?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"The last thing I remember is crashing the police car, and then I woke up here."

"What? No! I saw you Ben, you were there!"

"Where?"

Her exasperation emanated in her voice. "In the pharmacy!"

"What pharmacy? What are you talking about?"

"In the pharmacy, Ben! You were there! You came for Ollie!"

"Carol I don't know what's going on, I wasn't in a pharmacy with you. I told you, I was driving the police car, and then I ended up here."

"No! No! They got you! You were one of them! And you came to the pharmacy to find us, and you wanted me to be one too! You said it was better that way, that we were wrong to fight it. Then you said that there was no place for Ollie, and you and the others, you wanted to kill him!" Her eyes were wide and wild, tears streaming down her face. "I shot you Ben! I shot you! That, right there," she pointed to the bandage on his leg, "that was me! I did that. I shot you and then Ollie and I ran. I shot you, and I left you there. How can you not remember that?"

Confusion was etched into his handsome features as he tried to understand what she was telling him. Could he really have done something so vile? Was he really going to kill Carol's son? Had he been infected while he was unconscious following the crash?

"I… you… I was… like them?"

"Yes."

"And I came after Oliver."

"Yes."

"And… and you had to shoot me, to keep me from killing him."

She nodded, burying her face in her hands.

"I'm so sorry Ben. I really am; I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me Ben, please! I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn't let you take him. I'm so sorry." Her words vanished into sobs, her whole body shaking.

"Carol."

She couldn't look him the eyes, not after what she did, not after seeing him like this, not when he didn't remember.

"Carol" he repeated quietly. "Look at me."

She shook her head, refusing to take her hands away from her face.

"Come here."

He reached over and took hold of her closest arm, pulling her down to rest her head on his shoulder once more, and then wrapping his arm around her.

"Carol I could never hate you; never. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me stop being your friend. You know how much you mean to me, nothing is going to change that. I wish I remembered what happened, but I don't, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for anything I did while I was infected. I would never want to hurt you or Oliver, and I hope you can still believe that. You did what you had to do to protect your son, and I wouldn't have expected you to do any less. I don't care about my leg. I care about you. I'm so sorry that I put you through that, and I hope you know that I never would have if I'd had any choice in the matter. But you and I, we're going to be just fine. None of this changes us. I'm always going to be your best friend, and you'll always be mine."

"I'm so sorry."

"No more of that, okay? I don't want you to feel badly. You were protecting your son, and I wouldn't even be myself again today if you hadn't, so you have nothing to be sorry about."

"I hated seeing you like that. I never even thought that they'd get to you, it never occurred to me once."

"Me either" he chuckled. "I guess we both think a little too highly of me."

She closed her eyes and hugged him tighter, thankful he was alive, thankful to realize her feelings before it was too late.

He nudged her playfully. "Hey come on, laugh, it was a joke."

"I'm just so happy to have you back."

"Well I'm happy to be back… even if I don't exactly remember being gone. And I'm definitely glad this whole nightmare is over so we can go back to work and dinner parties instead of car chases and stealing clothes from corpses."

"I just hope we all come out of this okay. I did some terrible things Ben. I hurt people. I killed people. I'm going to have to live with that. And the people who survive have to live with what I did to them."

"It'll all work out Carol, I promise. We'll get through it together, just like we always do."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know you."

"I don't know if I know myself anymore. I never thought I could do those things."

"Yes you did. You always knew you would do anything to protect Oliver. You never thought it would come to that, but you knew you would kill or die for him if you had to."

"I guess you're right. I never thought I would have to, but I can't picture myself doing anything differently."

"It will be fine Carol, you'll see. You're not alone in this. You have Ollie and I, and the three of us can put everything back together. We always have."

"You're right… you're always right."

"Wow, I never thought I'd hear you say that" he laughed.

She couldn't help but giggle and give him a gentle slap on the chest. "Shut up."

"Come on, get in here. You must be tired."

"There's not enough room for me in there!"

"Sure there is, watch." He carefully lifted his injured leg, moving it to the edge of the bed and shifting the rest of his body over. "See? Right there."

"Are we going to get in trouble for this?"

"Probably" he replied with a sly grin.

She just shook her head and smiled, carefully climbing in to the tiny bed with him. He put his arm around her body and pulled her up against his side, her head resting on his chest.

"There. That's much better."

"You're bad" she chided.

"I know."

He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head before laying back and closing his eyes.

* * *

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

She was running, the walls closing in around her. It was a tunnel of some kind. She ran and ran into the darkness ahead, racing the footsteps coming from behind her. Suddenly she felt her foot catch on something, and she was falling; falling through the darkness to land on the cold, hard ground. The mob of feet drew near as she struggled to get up or cry out, but she was frozen. She could just make out their silhouettes, drawing up to the edge of an eerie glow now surrounding her. With one last step, the light began to reveal the faces of her attackers.

"Mom?"

Carol woke with a start, searching erratically in the dim moonlight of the room for a face. Her eyes drifted over Ben's peacefully sleeping form next to her, to the child on her left with terrified blue eyes.

"Ollie," she breathed in relief, "what's wrong honey?"

"I can't sleep."

The green numbers on the bedside clock read 2:26am.

"Can you lay down with me?"

"Sure baby."

Carefully she lifted Ben's arm, ducking out underneath it, and gently placed it down on the bed before crawling into the tiny cot next to her son.

"What have you been thinking about all this time?"

"Gene."

A pang of guilt gripped Carol. "How is he?"

"He's okay. He doesn't know what happened though. He keeps asking if his parents are here, and I don't know what to tell him."

"What did you say?"

"I just said I didn't know and that they'd probably tell him if they were."

"Good. I'll talk to Stephen in the morning and if he thinks Gene is well enough, I'll tell him, okay?"

"Okay. What's going to happen to him when we leave? His whole family is gone."

"Don't you worry about that, that's grown up stuff. I'll take care of it when the time comes. You just worry about keeping him in good spirits: he's going to need a friend tomorrow."

Ollie nodded and he was silent for a moment, his eyes dropping to the sheets. "Do you think Dad is okay?"

"I don't know sweetie. I haven't heard anything."

"Do you think he –"

"I don't know. I wish I did, I wish I had something better to tell you, but I have no idea, and I don't want to guess and give you the wrong idea."

"I know. It's okay."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay mom. You saved us."

"I know. I just wish you didn't have to see the things I did."

"But you wouldn't do that stuff all the time, you had to."

"Does that mean you forgive me?"

"I wasn't mad at you."

She couldn't help but smile away her tears with such an angel in her arms. "Good. I don't want you mad at me."

"Me either."

"Anything else you want to talk about, or are you ready to go to sleep now?"

"I think I'm ready for sleep."

"Night sweetheart." She gently kissed his forehead.

"Night mom."

---------------------------------

Morning came much sooner than Carol would have liked, which a much less attractive tray of breakfast. Ollie and Gene trotted off to the cafeteria in search of something more appetizing while Carol pulled a chair next to Ben's bed and poked at her unappetizing meal.

"I was worried when I woke up and you were gone."

"Sorry. Ollie couldn't sleep."

"It's okay. Just missed you is all."

Carol blushed and dropped her gaze to her spongy omelette.

The room fell silent, oddly silent, with neither one of them sure how to respond. Thankfully their friendly neighbourhood scientist came to their rescue, his head popping in the open doorway.

"Hey Carol, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure Stephen."

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No, not at all."

She dropped her plate to the bedside table like a hot potato and bolted for the door.

"What's up?"

"Nothing good, I'm afraid."

Her face fell instantly. "It's Tucker, isn't it?"

Stephen nodded silently; she knew everything she needed from his solemn expression. Tears sprang to her eyes and he put a hand on her shoulder.

"It's not your fault Carol. You were just protecting Ollie."

"How do I tell my son I killed his father?"

"He loves you Carol, and you did what was necessary to save his life. He knows that. He'll forgive you."

"What about Gene? Did you find anyone in his family alive?"

"No. We're looking into whether or not it was a genetic thing, but Gene was the only one in his entire family to survive the initial infection."

"Did you tell him yet?"

"No. I wanted to talk to you first."

"Good. I think I should be the one to tell him. I need to tell him what I did."

"I thought you might say that."

"What's going to happen to him when it's time to discharge us?"

"He'll go into foster care."

"Let me take him. Please, Stephen? Let me take him. He's Ollie's best friend, I can't let him end up with just anyone. You know I'll take good care of him. His parents would be happy if I took him in, I know they would."

"I thought you might say that too. I already talked to family and children's services, and they're going to start processing the forms as soon as you call."

She threw her arms around him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. Where's the phone?"

"Down the hallway at the desk. Just ask the woman there to dial FACS for you."

Carol nodded and was gone in a flash.

Stephen smiled sadly and stepped into the near empty room, walking over to Carol's abandoned chair next to Ben.

"Hey man, how's it going?"

"You tell me", Ben gestured at his leg.

"Well, the good news is that all your stats throughout the night were good and stable, and the post surgical x-rays were clean. The bad news is, there was some muscle damage, so you'll need to be in a brace for a while, and you'll need to keep using crutches until you've completed physio."

"Great. A doctor hobbling around the hospital on crutches, won't that be sight."

"You know very well it could have been a whole lot worse."

"I know, I know", he grumbled.

"How are things with Carol?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, I'm not blind. I know you have a thing for her."

"What? What thing?"

"Don't play dumb with me, _doctor_ Ben."

"Ok fine. Thing with Carol are… complicated. I don't know. Last night it seemed like maybe she was coming around, but then this morning she seemed really uncomfortable, so I don't know. I think she wants it, but she's afraid of losing what we have, which I would never let happen, but I think it still worries her."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know that either. There isn't much more I can do, is there? She knows where I stand. I guess I just have to wait, and reassure her however I can, and hope she changes her mind."

"Well, good luck. I think it's only a matter of time. Anyone who sees the two of you together can see it. She'll get there."

"Thanks."

"Take it easy on that leg today, alright?"

"I'll try."

Ollie and Gene raced through the door on either side of Stephen and he spun around to avoid a collision.

"Whoa, take it easy there guys. We don't want you getting hurt and have you stuck in here any longer, right?"

"Sorry", they echoed.

Stephen chuckled and shook his head, looking both ways before exiting the room this time.

"Ben, do you know where my mom is?"

"Sorry Ollie, I'm not sure. She left to talk to Stephen a little while ago and she hasn't been back yet. He didn't tell me where she went."

As if by magic, she suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Ollie, can you come for a walk with me please?"

"Sure mom, can Gene come too?"

"Not right now honey, I need to talk to you, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

He didn't have a good feeling about this.

* * *

TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Special thanks to wolverine's kid for being such a dedicated reviewer

* * *

Carol solemnly led her child down the hall to a set of vacant chairs outside one of the exam rooms, fighting to keep her composure, squeezing the tiny hand in her grasp tightly. They sat down side by side, without word, both staring at the wall across from them until Carol looked down to the floor, as if the words would be waiting there for her to say. But they weren't.

"What's wrong, mom?" her son asked timidly, but she couldn't face him. "Mom? Are you okay? Did something happen?"

She could no longer restrain the barrage of tears that spilled from icy blue and poured down her face, dripping on the tiles below.

"Mom? MOM?" the voice was urgent, but she had nothing to give him. She had broken. "Mom what's wrong? Tell me!"

"I'm so sorry Ollie, I'm so sorry", she wailed, her body shaking with silent sobs.

The child wrapped his arms around her as best he could. "Mom what's going on?"

"I'm so sorry, so sorry, I'm so sorry", she lamented repeatedly. She wanted to tell him, but she had no other words. She couldn't bear to say the awful truth to her sweet little angel.

"Mom tell me, I'm scared. Is it you? Or me? Or Gene, or Ben? Are we all still okay?"

Carol shook her head, flinging more droplets to the floor below.

"Is it dad?"

An audible cry escaped and gave her away. She covered her face with her hands. She didn't want him to see her: the woman who had killed his father, the woman who was supposed to be strong for him, the woman who should be comforting him but surrendered to her own grief instead.

Yet Ollie's hug never faltered, not for a second. Stray tears streaked down his face, but he kept them to himself. It was his turn to be the rock now. His mother, the centre of his world, needed him more than he needed her right now, and he wouldn't let her go.

"It's okay mom. We talked about this, remember? It wasn't your fault. You had to. You didn't mean to kill him; you were trying to save me. You did save me, both of us. It wasn't really dad. He was one of them. The real dad would have wanted us to be okay."

She spun around and wrapped her arms around him, crying into his shoulder, holding onto him for dear life.

Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry Ollie. I'm sorry."

"I know mom. You don't have to be. I'm okay, I just want you to be okay."

She pulled back and gazed down at him with watery, cupping his face gently with her hand.

"You're so brave. You know that?"

He smiled. "So are you."

"I love you Ollie."

"I love you too."

"I have some good news too", she sniffed, "I talked to Family and Children's Services, and they said that Gene can come live with us."

"Really?"

She couldn't help but smile to see a bit of the light come back to her son's eyes.

"Really."

"Can I go tell him?"

"No honey, I'm sorry. Stephen and I talked about it, and we think it would be best if I talked to Gene. I need to tell him about what happened at your Grandma's house and what happened to his family, and then I'll tell him about staying with us."

"Okay."

"I need to be alone when I talk to Gene, so how about I give you some money, and you can go down to the gift shop, and if it's open you can get a little game or something for you and Gene?"

"Okay mom."

"Thanks sweetheart", she kissed his forehead and handed him some bills, "thank you for being so brave for me."

"Thanks for saving me."

She smiled and watched him walk down the hallway until he reached the elevator and the doors closed in front of him, at which point her smile faltered. There was no hiding from it. She had only limited time to go break another child's heart.

As soon Carol entered the room, Ben knew what had happened. Her eyes were red and puffy, and glimmering streaks were still faintly present on her porcelain skin. From the expression on her face, there was more bad news to come. She zeroed in on Gene instantly, and Ben could guess what would happen next even before Carol quietly asked Gene for a word alone and began to drag the curtain along its track. She looked up at him briefly before reaching the end of the curtain's circuit, and he saw the tears that threatened to break free. He nodded wordlessly, reassuring her, letting her know that he was there with her, and then the hanging fabric concealed her face; a weak silhouette left in its wake.

Carol took a deep breath and walked over to the chair next to Gene's bed. She sat down slowly, trying to formulate a gentle approach in her mind as she did so. There was no good way to do this, but the last thing she wanted to do was turn into a blubbering mess again.

"Gene, what's the last thing you remember before you woke up here?"

"I was just sitting in my house watching TV with my family."

"You don't remember when you saw me on the train?"

"No."

"That was the first time I saw you after you were infected. You knew I hadn't slept yet, and I went into the bathroom, and I tricked you into thinking that I had. You told me something when I first talked to you there. Do you know what you said? Take a minute to think about it if you need to."

He shook his head. He didn't need a minute. She held back a wave of emotion as she realized that he was just like Ben; he didn't have a single memory from the ordeal, not one. It was just another lost dream in his mind.

She sighed heavily. "I asked you where your parents were, and… and you told me that they… they hadn't made it. They didn't survive the introduction of the virus. I'm so sorry Gene."

The boy stared back at her numbly, her words slowly sinking in. "My whole family?" his voiced cracked and the tears began to fall.

Carol nodded sadly, battling furiously to contain her remorse. Gene was weeping now, and she drew him into a warm embrace, his tears soaking through her shirt.

"It's going to be okay Gene, I promise."

"Where am I going to go?"

"Stephen and I have both looked into that, and you can come live with Ollie and me if you want to, but before you decide, there's something else I have to tell you." Her voice wavered ever so slightly.

Gene pulled back to look at her. "What?"

"Something happened… when we were at Ollie's grandmother's", she paused, trying to gather the strength to keep going. "I went upstairs to get Ollie to run away, and you caught us, and I…" she blinked back the liquid regret, gasping for words, "and I… I… I pushed you, hard, and I just wanted to knock you down so I could shut the door before you got up, but I panicked and I pushed you harder than I meant to… and you hit the bedpost and passed out. I'm so sorry Gene, I didn't mean to hurt you, I really didn't. It was an accident. I'm so sorry. I'll understand if you don't feel comfortable living with us. I just want you to know that I didn't mean to, and I'm so sorry."

"I don't remember that."

"I know, but I really thought it was important you knew. If you're going to live with us, I want you to be able to trust me, I don't want you living with fear or concern, so I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell you."

"But it doesn't matter. I don't remember it happening, so I'm not afraid. I've never known you to be like that, and I wasn't really there when it happened, so it doesn't bother me."

Carol's eyes widened and her tears suddenly stopped. She was shocked.

"You're not upset?"

"No."

She threw her arms around him. "Thank you Gene, thank you for understanding. I promise you, nothing like that will EVER happen again."

"I know."

Carol sat back and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"You don't have to let me know right away about moving in, you can think about it for a while. We just need to know before you're discharged."

"It's okay, I know I want to, I don't need anymore time."

"Are you sure?"

Gene nodded.

"Great!" she hugged him again. "It'll be great, I promise. And tell me if you change your mind, that's okay too."

"I won't."

Another voice entered the room. "Mom?"

Carol swung the curtain open to see Ollie smiling with a travel size game in his hands.

"Hey sweetie."

"Can Gene and I play now?"

"Sure, go right ahead."

She gestured to the chair she had occupied and stepped aside, watching her two children chatter excitedly and tear open their new toy.

The patient across the room with the cheeky, knowing smile then caught her eye. She smirked at him, meandering over to him. He put his arms out like a toddler wanting to be picked up, and she shook her head, speeding up the last few steps, hopping up on the bed and reclaiming her spot in his arms from last night.

"That was a good thing you did" he said quietly.

"I just hope I can handle two on my own."

"Of course you can. They're good boys, you'll be fine, and you know I'm always here if you need me."

"I know. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd still be fine. Me on the other hand…"

"Oh shut up. We'd both be useless and you know it."

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "Then I guess we're stuck with each other."

"I guess we are."

* * *

TBC 


	6. Chapter 6

After a disappointing dinner of what was supposedly macaroni and cheese, Carol headed off for the gift shop and cafeteria for entertainment and further sustenance. She wandered through the crowded aisles of stuffed animals, get well cards, and colouring books, searching for something a little more adult that she and Ben could enjoy. They had attempted to learn Ollie's new game, but had failed to understand its logic or remember all of the rules. Eventually she settled on a deck of cards, a crossword book, and a book of sudoku puzzles before proceeding to the cafeteria. The hunt there was even more challenging. The only thing she could find that the boys might find appealing were mini cereal boxes, and they'd likely be having those for breakfast tomorrow morning. Opening the fridge, she retrieved two salads for herself and Ben, and grabbed two strawberry yogurt cups for the boys. She was sure they'd be less than thrilled, but it was better than coming back empty handed. Lucky for them, the cookies at the cash register hit her soft spot, and she added a pack for each.

Balancing her purchases precariously on the cafeteria tray, she slowly headed back to their room, careful to avoid the doctors and scientists that rushed by from time to time. As she expected, the boys met their yogurt with slight disdain, but perked up at the sign of chocolate chip dessert. Ben, however, was pleased with her selection for him, as she thought he might be. He was one of those people who actually enjoyed eating healthily.

"So what are the cards for?" he asked between bites, "hoping to play some strip poker?"

"With my kids watching? Of course."

"Can't blame a guy for trying" he replied with a wink.

She rolled her eyes. "I was thinking more along the lines of Go Fish or Crazy Eights."

"Strip Go Fish?"

"You're impossible."

"You love it."

Shaking her head, she stuffed another forkful of lettuce into her mouth.

"Did you see Stephen while you were gone?"

"No, why, did he stop in here looking for me?"

"No, I was just wondering. I haven't seen or heard from him since this morning."

"Me either."

"Think he's working on getting us out of here?" His face lit up a bit at the thought and he reminded her of a child.

"I don't know. I hope so though. I don't know how much longer I can survive on the food here."

"Yeah, because you're such a good cook."

"Hey, at least I don't burn pancakes!" she said, waving her plastic fork at him.

"They still tasted fine."

She raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Okay fine, I took one bite, threw them out, and got a muffin on the way to work. Happy?"

"Very."

"You enjoy being right all the time, don't you?"

Her thoughts shot straight back to that night in the car and it took her a moment to reply. "I'm not always right."

"Give me one time you weren't."

Did she dare bring it up? Was she ready to open that can of worms? Maybe this wasn't the best time or place for it. But then again, would she ever be satisfied with a time and place? No, probably not.

"In the car."

"In the car? What car? When?"

Her heart rate had skyrocketed out of control. This was such a bad idea. "Nothing, nevermind."

"No, tell me. When?"

"No, nevermind, it was nothing, just forget it."

He looked at her quizzically. She was acting strange all of a sudden. And what was she talking about? They'd ridden in a car together lots of times, but none stuck out in his mind as a particular debate she might have lost, so he simply said nothing, watching her flush and squirm uncomfortably. Whenever he thought she was starting to relax around him again, she got like this and shut him out. Was there something she wasn't telling him about what happened when he was infected? Had he hurt her? He desperately wanted to know what was going through her mind at these times, but he knew better than to push. Carol would tell him when she was ready; she always did.

Carol silently cursed herself. Could she have been more vague? 'In the car': how on earth was he supposed to know what she meant by that? For a psychiatrist she could be pretty dim sometimes. She wanted to scream and bang her head against the wall, but he was already looking at her funny. Instead she busied herself with finishing her salad, keeping her mouth full to avoid saying something stupid again. Ben finished before her and picked up the crossword book.

"I don't suppose you got a pen?"

She nearly choked on her salad. Where was her head today? Thankfully she managed to remember that she had one in her coat pocket. Taking her last bite, she set her bowl down on the table and walked over the closet to get the pen. She tossed to him, which he skillfully missed with his one handed effort to catch it. He really was an overgrown child sometimes. Trudging back over to the bed, she picked it up and handed it to him.

"Thanks. Are you going to help me?"

She timidly sat back down in her chair. "Sure."

"Well you can't see it from there, get up here" he patted the spot next to him on the bed.

She must have involuntarily made some kind of nervous face because he gave her the funny look again, so she climbed in next to him and tried to look like her usual confident self.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

She nodded quickly. "Yeah, why?"

"Nothing, you just look a little worried or something. Forget it. What's a five letter word for a flu or cold?"

"Virus."

"Ah, right, you'd think I could get that one."

She chuckled and settled back against him.

* * *

Carol was running again; running frantically through the aisles of a darkened pharmacy. What she was running from, she could not see, but it was there just as sure as she was breathing, her gasps the only sound she could hear. She rounded the corner and found herself facing two doors, the walls covered in blood. Her foot hit a slick spot on the floor and she halted immediately. What she saw at her feet made her blood run cold. There was Ben, in a crimson pool, staring up at her with lifeless eyes. She screamed, the sound of her voice echoing off the walls. Her body began to shake against her will and his voice invaded her mind. Again and again she screamed, crying out for him, tears streaming down her face, but she couldn't shut out his voice and the spark of life remained absent from his features. She covered her ears with her hands but his sound grew progressively louder, calling her name. 

"Carol!"

Her heart skipped a beat and her entire body jumped as she was suddenly jolted into consciousness. She opened her eyes to a dark room, a panicked familiar face only inches away, and a small hand gripping her own. She looked back and forth between them for a minute, still disoriented from her subconscious fright, before she finally realized where she was.

"Mom?"

She threw her arms around the small child. "Oh Ollie honey I'm so sorry!"

"Are you okay?" His question was muffled by her shoulder.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine, it was just a bad dream, like the ones you sometimes have. I'm alright now. You go back to bed, I'll be fine."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Just go back to sleep." She kissed him gently on the forehead and got up to tuck him in. He was asleep the minute his head hit the pillow.

Carol tiptoed back over to the bed and clamored back in, wrapping her arms around Ben tightly. She choked back a sob and let her tears seep through his shirt. He ran his hand up and down her back, whispering reassurances in her ear.

"I'm so glad you're here" she mumbled.

"Me too. Do you want to talk about it?"

The words flowed from her mouth like the tears from her eyes. "I was in the pharmacy again and I was running and then there was blood everywhere and you were laying on the floor and I kept screaming and screaming but you wouldn't wake up!" Her whole body was trembling now, still fighting the sobs.

"Shhh, it's okay now," he whispered, "I'm here and I'm okay. We're both okay now." He pulled back slightly, softly kissing her cheek.

She sat back and looked at him for a long moment, and then she leaned in slowly, closing her eyes at the very last moment, and pressed her lips to his. His arms circled her slender waist, bringing her closer against him while he hungrily kissed her back. One hand traveled up to her short blonde hair, tangling the strands between his fingers while he explored her mouth, savoring her taste and the intimacy he longed to share with her. She broke contact briefly, gasping his name and taking a ragged breath before claiming his lips again. Leaning back, he pulled her down on top of him, the hand on the small of her back moving south.

The moment he did it he knew he shouldn't have. Carol didn't like things to happen so quickly. She needed to feel in control, and he had just pushed his luck past the limit. She sat up abruptly, looking down at him with clearly mixed feelings.

"I – I'm sorry," she stammered, "I'm sorry, I – I don't know what… I just…" She didn't know where she was going with this, but thankfully he saved her.

"It's okay Carol, don't worry about it. I know you said you wanted to stay friends; I shouldn't have let it happen like that. I'm sorry."

"No, no it was all my fault, it's fine, just nevermind." That definitely didn't come out right. "Let's just get some sleep, okay?"

"Good plan." He tried to put on a brave face, but he couldn't tell if she bought it.

* * *

TBC 


	7. Chapter 7

It had been 8 days and roughly 3 hours since Carol had last seen or heard from Ben. The morning after their midnight kiss had brought an excited Stephen to tell them their area had been successfully treated and they were now allowed to return home. The boys were ecstatic, but Carol wasn't ready yet. She didn't want to leave things with Ben like this, but there was a tension between them that morning that kept her from revisiting the incident. Never in the history of their friendship had she ever had any difficulty talking to Ben, but her words seemed to vanish whenever she looked at him. So instead she sat next to him in a heart-wrenching silence the entire way home, while the boys chattered excitedly about having their video games back, and what things Gene wanted to bring with him from his old house. Carol couldn't count on both times how many times she had looked over at Ben, willing herself to speak up, but not once did she make a sound, and not once did he look back at her.

Ollie and Gene settled right into their new shared room, spending hours together playing and leaving Carol to her lonesome. She missed Ben. It had been really nice having him with her all the time at the hospital. Now her kids still had their best friend around, but she had lost hers. She had called two or three times each day, always leaving a message, yet never getting a reply. Once she had stopped by the local hospital to see if he was there, but they told her he was on medical leave for his leg and hadn't been in. Carol, on the other hand, had gone straight back to work, making the correct assumption that her services would be in high demand after this ordeal. The schools were still closed, so Ollie and Gene came with her to the office, quietly playing video games in the waiting room. It wasn't very professional, and she knew it wasn't much fun for them, but none of her babysitters wanted to work yet, and she didn't feel right asking Ben after she'd been such a poor friend. Thankfully the boys didn't seem to mind much, and her clients all had many other things on their minds. She felt guilty admitting it to herself, but the only thing on her mind was Ben. She would never forgive herself if she ruined their friendship, and she was worried about why he hadn't called her back, even though she had said it was very important.

At the 8 days and 4 hours mark, just as she was saying goodbye to her last client of the day, her office phone rang and ended her turmoil.

"Hello, Dr. Bennell's office, Dr. Bennell speaking."

"Carol it's me" a familiar voice answered.

"Ben! I'm so glad you called, I was getting worried. Is everything alright?"

"Actually I'm in a bit of a predicament. I was hoping you might give me a hand."

"Of course, where are you?"

"I'm, uh, at the… uh… grocery store," he mumbled, clearly embarrassed.

"The grocery store?"

"Yes. You'll understand as soon as you get here."

"Okay. They boys and I are leaving the office right now, so I'll grab a taxi and we'll be there in a few minutes."

"Great, thanks."

She hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment. The grocery store? What kind of predicament could he get himself into at the grocery store? She stood up and shook her head, walking out into the waiting room to collect her kids.

"All set?" she asked, receiving nods in return. "Okay then. We have to go give Ben a hand with something before we go home, so we're going to stop at the grocery store."

Ollie looked up at her quizzically. "What does he need help with there?"

"To be honest, I haven't a clue, but I guess we'll find out soon enough."

Ben wasn't exaggerating: the problem became clear the moment she set eyes on him. There he stood, utterly helpless, with a crutch under each arm and a cart in front of him with no free hands to push. Of course he would never even consider using one of the motorized chairs with a basket attached. He was helpless, but embarrassed about it enough already. The last thing he wanted to do was draw more attention to being unable to do things.

Though she felt bad for him, she couldn't help but smirk a little bit. "Oh Ben." He looked up at her with a sheepish grin on his face. "Are you really going to hobble around the entire store on those?" she gestured to his crutches.

"As long as you're willing to push the cart, yes."

"Your arms are going to be sore."

"I'm aware of that."

She rolled her eyes. "Alright then, give me your list."

"List?"

"You don't make a shopping list?"

"No."

"Then how do you know what you need?"

He shrugged. "I just throw in whatever looks good."

This was worse than she thought. At least he remembered that he was out of milk. For everything else, Carol was on her own. She tried to get some fairly simple meals that he could make without standing for too long or needing both hands, but the options were less than desirable… not that he showed any hesitation when she suggested boxed macaroni, microwave dinners, or a pre-made salad. She got the distinct feeling that he was not big on the culinary scene. Nevertheless, after two hours of crutch hopping down every aisle, she was confident that he wouldn't starve to death in the next week.

The cab ride back to Ben's was once again awkwardly quiet, the only sounds coming from the chirping of the boys' games. When they arrived, Carol immediately hopped out to unload the groceries, but Ben stopped her as soon as he was back up on his crutches.

"It's okay Carol, don't worry about it. Thanks for your help."

She struggled to find words. She hadn't expected to be dismissed so quickly. "Ben, it'll take you six trips to get all these inside, and who knows how long to put them all away. The boys and I are happy to help."

"I can handle it," he insisted.

She cursed the tears she felt welling up in her eyes. She tried to speak, but no sound came out. Her cheeks felt hot, and she knew she was losing the emotional battle going on inside her. Lower lip trembling slightly, she looked up at him. His expression changed instantaneously, and a moment later she was in his arms.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

She sniffled. "Why don't you want anything to do with me anymore? You never go eight days without returning my calls or stopping by. This is exactly what I didn't want. I don't want to ruin us. I'm sorry."

"Carol it's not your fault."

"Yes it is! It's been like this ever since that night at the hospital."

"It's not you, it's me."

She pulled back quickly, eyes wide. "Ben, don't ever say that to me ever again. That's the break up line. You can't say that to someone unless you're breaking up with them. Please don't break up this friendship, please, I'll do anything, just let me fix this."

"No, no I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry", he rubbed a hand up and down her arm reassuringly. "I just mean that I felt bad about taking advantage of you like that… again… and I didn't know what to say about it, so I just, well, didn't say anything. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't take advantage of me either time. You have nothing to feel guilty about Ben. If anyone does, it's me. Please, let's just forget all of this, okay? Let me come in and help you."

He sighed. "Okay, and if it means that much to you, you can help me bring in the groceries."

She hugged him. "Please don't ever stop being my friend."

"I won't. I promise."

She smiled and popped the trunk. "Come on boys, grab some bags."

They managed to get all of the food to the door in one trip, and after several minutes of fumbling and insisting he could manage, Ben surrendered his house keys to Carol. The door was open in seconds. Carol stepped inside, nearly tripping on a discarded shoe, and almost dropped her bags in shock.

It looked like a war zone inside. Clothes were scattered about the floor, unwashed dishes littered every surface, and to avoid going up and down the stairs, the couch had been converted into a messy makeshift bed. How could anyone live in this disarray?

"Yeah, I need to get caught up on some housework", he offered, seeing her stunned face.

"Boys, can you take your bags into the kitchen and start putting things away please?"

They both nodded and Ollie gestured for Gene to follow him down the hall to the kitchen.

"Ben, sit down", she instructed. He did as he was told, knowing better than to give her a smart quip right now. "There is no way you can possibly clean all of this on crutches. How on earth have you been getting around in this mess?"

"Well, the mess kind of came from attempts to move everything in here and decrease getting around."

She sat down next to him. "Ben, you obviously need help. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I guess I didn't want you to see how useless I am. You know I like to do things myself."

"Maybe you can't do this all by yourself."

He looked around the room and sighed. "Maybe you're right."

"Why don't you come stay with us until you're off those crutches. I'll be there in the morning and at night and if you're there, the boys can stay home during the day in case you need anything."

"I don't want to put you out."

"Come on Ben, you know you're always welcome. After all, I got you into this situation, and it would really make me feel a lot better to know you were okay and had help if you needed it."

"Sure you don't mine?"

She grinned. "You know I don't."

"Alright then. Thanks."

"You stay here, I'll go pack some clothes for you and I'll get the boys to bring the groceries back out here, and we'll take them over to my place."

"Yes ma'am."

She stuck her tongue out at him before disappearing around the corner.

* * *

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Horrified screams echoed through the house while irregular footfalls raced down the hallway. The door to the master bedroom flew open to reveal a tangled mess of sheets trapping a beautiful, tortured blonde. She kicked and flailed, fighting invisible demons, screaming for help, calling for him, with tears cascading down her pale skin. A hand reached out in the darkness to wrestle the fabric ties away from her body before taking her into a pair of strong arms and whispering reassurances in her ear.

Carol awoke with a start, heart pounding, and screamed once more, startled by the man holding her still. She whipped her head around, relief flooding her eyes when she recognized Ben's familiar features, laced with concern. Taking slow, deep breaths, she leaned back against him, trying to slow the blood racing through her veins. Her head and throat ached, her ears ringing, and her face damp with sweat and tears. His fingertips ran up and down her arm softly, his warm voice repeating promises of being safe now, never alone, never leave her again. A tender kiss to the back of her head and her eyes slipped shut. She needed him more than she wanted to admit to herself. There was no living without him anymore.

"Ben", her voiced sounded so weak, so helpless, to her ears.

"Yes?"

"Will you stay here, with me?"

"Of course; I wouldn't dream of leaving you now."

"I don't mean just tonight," she looked up at him, "I mean, the whole time you're here. I just can't be alone right now. I feel so much better when you're here."

He grinned. "Anything for you."

"How did I get so lucky?" her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I'm the one who gets to sleep with a beautiful woman."

She chuckled. "It sounds dirty when you put it like that."

"I know."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?" he asked, his brow furrowing in an adorable way, so she couldn't help but smile.

"Make me forget about how upset I was in less than a minute."

"I'm just irresistibly witty."

"And so modest."

"Yes, that too. I have many winning qualities."

"Should we get some sleep before your head gets too big for the pillow?"

He kissed her forehead. "That is a very good idea."

She snuggled into his chest and he draped an arm over her body, keeping her close.

"Thank you Ben."

"Like I said: anything for you."

-------------------------

Carol loved waking up next to Ben. She always had, since the very first time he stayed over on the night that Tucker left. He was always awake before her, but he never made a sound or a movement, never roused her. He would just lay there and watch her, wait for the moment she opened her eyes, and give her that dazzling, boyish smile. His ice blue eyes were so bright in the early morning sun. Then he would always brush her hair back from her face and say 'good morning' in a tone that told you it would be a good day. This morning was no different, except that he allowed his fingers to linger on her cheek after releasing her hair. She couldn't look away from him and for a moment she was sure he knew, sure he could feel it flowing from her, sure he felt her pulse quicken with his touch, but then he withdrew his hand, and the moment was gone. She was beginning to accept that she very well may never tell him, just simply living forever in this limbo where she pushed the line of friendship without ever setting foot on the other side.

"Carol?" he was giving her a funny look.

"Hmm?"

"I asked if you wanted the shower first."

Smooth Carol, very smooth. She blushed inadvertently. "Oh, sorry, no you go ahead."

She tried not to let her eyes wander south as he walked away from her, but quickly failed. Rubbing her face, she shook her head vigorously. What had gotten into her? She was acting like a lovesick teenager.

Burying her face in the pillow, she did her best to let the sound of the running water lull her back to sleep, but it was no use. Her mind kept drifting back to Ben; how it felt to be in his arms, his scent, how sweet he looked when he smiled, how his lips felt against hers. She had forgotten how torturous love could be. But if she told him and he didn't feel the same, surely that would be even worse. Then the lazy mornings in bed would become awkward, the jokes about strip poker and kisses to her forehead would disappear, everything would change. If it was between having Ben as nothing more than a friend and not having him at all, she would always choose him.

His voice startled her. "It's all yours."

She hadn't even heard him turn the shower off. Rolling onto her back, she opened her eyes and let out a little squeak. There stood Ben, gleaming under a thin layer of water, wearing nothing but a towel.

"What?" he asked, looking at her quizzically. "Do I need to adjust my towel or something?"

"No!" she blurted, immediately blushing again. "No, it's great, I mean fine! It's fine. It's… it's fine", she stammered lamely, fervently wishing for a hole to open up in the centre of the mattress and swallow her whole.

He looked suspicious. "Okay then."

She nodded meekly and dashed into the bathroom, safe from further embarrassment behind the locked door.

This was a disaster. He'd been in her house for one night yet she was already a complete mess. And now she was holding herself hostage in her own bathroom. She made a mental note to smack herself the next time she came up with a plan like this. The air in the tiny room was hot and thick with humid steam, making her clothes feel damp. Even worse, the entire room was filled with the arousing smell of his aftershave, toying with her desires. She undressed slowly, fighting to ignore her body's reactions to his lingering presence. A plethora of inappropriate thoughts and urges raced through her mind, but she maintained a firm resolve, biting down on her lip until she drew blood. Starting the water, she stepped into the pressured stream, tilting her head back as it poured over her sensitized skin. She could even feel his hands running over her body, touching all the right places, moving lower and lower still… Her eyes snapped open as she realized it was her own hands she was feeling. No, no, no, she was not going to do this. Absolutely not. Not while she was having these thoughts of her best friend, not while he was in the next room… drying off… getting changed… no! No, Carol, no. Not only was the subject within earshot, but her kids were in the house. But then maybe… maybe if she just took the edge off, she might find it easier to be around him. She was treading on dangerous territory now, but her body was aching for more, and she was simply too weak to resist.

* * *

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Carol lay awake, staring at the dark ceiling above her head. The entire day had been a nightmare. Her plan to 'take the edge off' had backfired, big time. It only made her want him more, and now every time he looked at her, she felt naked, like he could see her dirty little secret. She jumped, every time he touched her. Her mind drifted every time he spoke. Even when she was at work, and he was no where to be seen, she still thought of him. She was a rapidly collapsing mess. Something had to be done; she couldn't go on like this. So she had decided she would tell Ben after dinner… then after the kids had gone to bed… then before they went to bed… and now here she was, at 2am, with Ben fast asleep beside her, still unaware of her feelings. She was so tired, but she didn't trust herself to sleep next to him. Maybe she should go lay down on the couch.

She had just sat up and grabbed her pillow when Ben rolled over and opened his stunning eyes. "Where are you going?"

Startled, she nearly fell off the bed. "Oh, I was just going to go lay down on the couch, I can't sleep."

"What's wrong?" he asked, sitting up next to her, clearly concerned.

"Nothing, I'm fine." She kept her eyes focused on the pillow in her lap.

"Did you have another dream?"

"No, no, I haven't been to sleep yet."

"Carol, are you sure you're alright? You haven't been yourself lately. You went through a lot; it's okay if you need some time. Maybe you should take a day off."

She shook her head. "No, it's not that."

"Then what?" he put an arm around her and gently touched her face. "I'm worried about you."

Looking up for a moment, she saw the concern etched in his handsome features and something inside her snapped. Tears began to trickle down her porcelain cheeks. "I can't do this anymore, Ben, I can't."

"Can't do what, Carol? Talk to me."

"I was wrong! I was so wrong. I told you I couldn't do this; that I didn't want this, but I was wrong. I didn't know until – oh I don't know when I knew, but I didn't know when I said that. But I know now. And I hope it's not too late. I'm so sorry!" She could tell from the blank expression on his face that she had lost him in her emotional rambling. "In the car, Ben! In the car, after you took me to your friends' party. You kissed me, and I told you I wanted us to stay friends. And I don't, I really don't. I don't know why I never saw it before. I really want to give us another chance, please. Please give me another chance."

His lips crashed against hers and she responded hungrily, her tears smearing across his face. His arms circled her waist, pulling her into his lap. Her fingers twisted through his short blonde hair, wanting more. She loved the way he tasted, the way he felt against her. How had she missed all of this the first time he kissed her; not surrendered to the love and desire he made her feel?

She pulled back slightly, panting, her eyes dark with passion. "I love you", she whispered against his lips.

"I love you too."

"I never want to be without you again."

"You never will be, I promise."

Their lips met again, teeth grazing skin, tongues sliding together. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing their bodies in contact. Leaning his weight against her, he encouraged her lay on her back, but she didn't budge.

"What about your leg?" she asked breathlessly.

"It's fine."

"You shouldn't put weight on it."

"Carol…"

She reached out with one hand to prop up a pillow behind him, and with a swift shove she had him lying back against it, a smug grin spreading across her face.

"Fine, have it your way", he chuckled, pulling her down for another kiss.

Hands slowly slid under shirts to caress smooth skin, scorching a path along its cool surface. Ben's shirt soon flew across the room, Carol's fingers eagerly teasing his taught, muscular chest while he left a trail of searing wet kissed down her neck. Tilting her head back, a moan escaped as she felt him cup her breasts through her shirt, flicking his thumb across the sensitive peaks.

"Shh," he mumbled into her shoulder, "don't wake the boys."

"Mmm", she groaned again, "it's your fault."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No!"

"I didn't think so", he replied cheekily, nipping her pale skin.

Carol whipped her own shirt over her head and tossed it aside, aching to feel his hands on her. They caressed her gently, driving her wild. She pushed her chest against his palms, wanting more, and he increased the pressure, simultaneously capturing her lips. Moving his hands aside, he held her close, skin touching skin for the first time. She gasped into his mouth and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, sliding a hand up into her hair while the other ran down her back to brush over the swell of her behind. Instinctively her hips pressed against his, sending a rush of desire through them both.

Her hands snuck between them to pull at the drawstring of his sweatpants. Dropping his head to her pale shoulder, he bit down on his lip as her fingers flitted over his arousal, trying to freeing him from his fabric confinement. Sitting up, she carefully shifted backwards, sliding his pants down as she went, carefully avoiding the bandage on his leg. She crawled back up his body seductively, kissing him hard when she reached her destination. His hands dipped below the waistband of her pajamas, trailing as far down her thighs as he could reach, then all the way up again, pulling her pelvis flush against his. She moaned again, sucking on his lower lip to quash the urge to cry out. He pushed the material over her hips and it easily slid down her legs until she could kick the pants away. Hooking his thumbs on her thong, he pulled it down to her knees before slipping a hand between her legs. Exhaling sharply, her back arched and her eyes snapped shut. He stroked her softly until her she was panting and her legs and arms trembled. Withdrawing his hand, he lifted his hips to push off his boxers. Carol grabbed both remaining undergarments and removed them fully, haphazardly tossing them off the end of the bed.

They both allowed their eyes to drink in the body before them; their best friend, the person they knew so well, the person they loved. They kissed tenderly, whispering words of love to the other. Foreheads together, she looked into his stunning blue eyes and she sank down onto him. He cupped her cheek with one hand, running his thumb over her cheek and she closed her eyes, murmuring his name. She slowly began to rock against him, claiming his lips again, teasing them gently with her tongue while his hands traveled over her body, memorizing every inch of soft skin. Already she was spiraling out of control, planting her hands on his shoulders for leverage to increase the speed, her breath coming in short, whimpering blasts. He grasped her hips, forcing her down harder each time, lifting his lower body off the bed to meet her with each thrust. She threw her head back and gasped as her climax ripped through her body, and with one final push, he followed her over the edge.

Spent, she collapsed on his chest, listening to the frantic beat of his heart. With one arm across her back, he smoothed her hair back from her damp, flushed face, running his fingers through the golden strands.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?"

She smiled. "You're just saying that because I let you get in my pants."

"Maybe."

She laughed, swatting his arm. Then a moment of contemplative silence passed before she spoke. "You know, when I think about it, you don't really have to go back to your apartment."

"Well, not tonight, but I seem to recall the vast majority of my things and clothes being there."

"For a doctor, Ben, you can be very dense."

"What?"

"I'm saying, you can stay here… with me… even after you're well enough to go back home… if you want to."

He grinned. "Is that your way of asking me to move in with you?"

"What would you say if it was?"

"I'd say that it suits me just fine."

"Good", she slid into the crook of his arm and draped her arm over his check. "I'll talk to the boys in the morning."

"Think they'll be upset?"

"Not likely."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

She smirked up at him. "You knew I'd say that, you just wanted to hear me say it."

"Maybe."

With his usual boyish smile, he pulled the covers up over their bodies and leaned down to press a goodnight kiss to her lips.


	10. Chapter 10

Carol woke to the familiar rugged face and sky blue eyes of her best friend. It was the same heartwarming sight that greeted her every morning. He always woke before her, never rousing her, just watching her sleep peacefully until the sunlight filtered through the blinds and brought her into consciousness. The house was still silent, save for his delicious voice whispering in her ear and the sound of his lips kissing her cheek and forehead. She lived for these quiet moments, where everything was as simple as could be; where only love existed, drowning her fears for humanity and the distant cries in the past. It's then that she knows nothing could ever truly take this away from her, because it's not hers to lose. It's not even theirs. It's greater than them both. It has chosen to bestow its light on them, and as long as there is light, there will be love, and even in the darkest night, a candle glimmers somewhere in the world.

Then two pairs of thundering footsteps race down the stairs much to quickly for their own good, but too full of youthful energy to be contained. Ben rises then, grabbing their robes and starting the water before coming to retrieve her. She always pretends she's too tired to get up on her own, insisting that he carry her, which he never refuses to do. Temptation always calls, but is usually postponed until the scheduled day is complete… though sometimes it is simply too alluring to resist. Being an unusually quiet work day for them both, they can afford to linger under the warm water, kissing and caressing passionately, their cries undetectable beneath the roar of the shower.

Two empty cereal bowls are already in the sink when they descend the stairs, the beeping sound of videogames emanating from the living room. Ben sinks into his favourite chair, picking up the morning paper. He long abandoned his failed attempts at preparing breakfast. Carol flicked the switch for the coffee maker along with the button for the stove, placing two frying pans on its surface. She cracked eggs onto the one searing surface and lay bacon on the other, poking both aimlessly with a spatula while her mind began to drift. Today it had been a year: exactly one year from the most frightening night of her life. How so much could change in only a year. She had gone from nearly losing it all, to being a family of four… maybe five, it was too soon to tell. The conflicting anniversary had plagued her for weeks yet she still had no idea what to make of it. Ben had offered to take her out, get her mind off of it, offered to take the day off to be with her, but she had refused. She desperately wanted to pretend that today was a day like any other. But words from the newscasts, from Yorish, from Steven, from Ben, all kept swirling in her mind.

She placed a stark white plate of food before Ben, taking a second to the chair across from him. Sitting down and beginning to eat, she wondered if she would ever truly be free from this nightmare, or if she would be forever scarred by the atrocities of that time. Perhaps such liberty was impossible. Perhaps it was even undesirable; erasing newfound appreciation for the people in her life and the unforgettable heartbreak of looking into sky blue emotionless eyes. But maybe, just maybe, that blemish could bring her comfort. She may never fully recover, and hers may not be tangible like Ben's, but hers held reassurance that no other could: as long as she felt it, she knew she was human.

* * *

-FIN- 


End file.
